Let me guess: It’s wedding season. And here you are again, searching the internet for the appropriate present to give this time around.
Whether it’s the first wedding you’re attending or the final—because you literally have no more cash—gift shopping is tricky. I’ve been here before, too, and the wedding guest struggle is real. So I’ve compiled some wedding gift etiquette that’ll make your life a whole lot easier.
When it comes to wedding gift etiquette, I find people asking the same questions. If you’re looking for specific advice, just click on the link below to hop right to my words of wedding gift wisdom.
Bridal Shower Gift Etiquette Guests Need To Know
Ouch! This is a touchy one, but let’s get this cleared up once and for all. While everyone has their own idea of how much to spend on a wedding gift, a general rule is:
Again, it’s all about what you can afford. But I’d say you can get by with spending a little less if you’re not attending. After all, you won’t be eating the food or drinking the cocktails.
If you are attending, be as generous as you can without breaking the bank. Don’t forget: You have your own life to celebrate, too, Cutie!
Important Wedding Gift Etiquette Tips
Not everyone likes giving cash, but pretty much everyone likes receiving it. So how much cash is enough cash to give for a wedding gift? Many soonly-weds will provide options for their guests, including a registry and a special interest fund, like a honeymoon or home remodel.* Those are a big help.
Of course if they don’t, you might find yourself wondering, “Will they be offended if I send $25?” But the same principle applies for cash gifts as gifts from the registry: Give what you can comfortably afford.
If you don’t have means to send money digitally, writing a check is appreciated, too. The best way to do it is to address it to just one of the pair. Name changes most likely will happen months later—if at all—and banks can get persnickety about their rules.
Everything You Need To Know About Wedding Gift Etiquette
Use the memo line to congratulate both people. And don’t worry about one person feeling left out. They love each other. They’re married. Surely they’ll share, right? (Of course, I’m right!)
In the olden days—or, you know, our parents’ days (apologies, parents!)—linens and dishes were thoughtful ways to help a young couple establish their household. But more people are marrying later in life, and sometimes they already have enough “stuff.” Of course, this is a matter of preference, so follow the couple’s lead as to what they’d like.*
*Another perspective: If they’ve been single for a long time, they’ve also been giving wedding gifts for a long time. And never being the person of honor is super—let’s say—nettlesome after a while. Now it’s their turn, and they may well prefer gifts over cash. Whatever you do, do something nice.
How Much Should You Spend On A Wedding Gift? Follow These 11 Etiquette Tips
Many registry sites have an assortment of funds you can choose from. Or make up your own! Popular fund include a honeymoon, activities on your honeymoon, home renovations, donations to charity and mortgage down payments.
Sometimes couples truly have all they need, desire to lessen their carbon footprint or just don’t want their guests spending a lot of money. When this happens, all sorts of thoughts might find their way into your head:
And even though it can be a little bewildering to navigate, you gotta love a couple who makes their event their own. Plus, this is your chance to get creative! Here are some for honoring loved ones in a way they’ll appreciate.
Wedding Gift Etiquette: How Much Money To Give & Other Pressing Questions
If you’re the bride or groom to be and you aren’t seeking gifts for yourself, suggest that your guests donate to a cause you’re passionate about. Many couples ask for donations to pet rescues, food pantries or wildlife organizations.
If you’ve been invited to the engagement dinner, a shower or two and the save-the-date is stuck to your fridge, those are already big expenses to consider. Add in a destination wedding, dressy attire and—oh yeah—the bachelor or bachelorette weekend, and you might start to feel as though you may as well throw in a second mortgage.
Before you panic, might I suggest making a budget for what you want to spend for the entire set of festivities. One way to do this is to establish a 60/20/20 gifting guideline.
How Much To Spend On A Wedding Gift 2023 [guide & Tips]
Weddings can bring up emotions in all of us, and depending on where we are in life, they’re not always positive. You could have any number of reasons for not wanting to show up and show love at a wedding.
Sweetie, first of all, your feelings are valid. Even if they’re as simple as pure, green envy. Even if they’re as complex as the power this event has over your current life trajectory. Acknowledge these feelings and don’t feel like you need to be fake. If it helps, most of us have been there. I know I’ve been there.
However, if you can dig deep and muster up some loving-kindness, that is always a good way to go. After all, being gracious can never really be the bad choice. It might even make you feel a little lighter. And then you can move forward with a clear conscience that you were caring even when it was difficult.
The Etiquette Of Giving Wedding Gifts
But most of all, don’t make any impulsive decisions. RSVP when you’ve come to a decision you can live with. If it’s “will not be attending, ” make sure you’ll feel okay about that in a year or two. Same with responding yes.
If this wedding is really getting on your nerves, vent to a friend. (Unless the friend you’d normally vent to is the bride or groom, in which case, vent to someone else.) And once you’ve done the expected well-wishing, turn your focus to your plans. Translation: Get the gift early, then go spend some money on YOU.
This is a lovely thing to do, but just so you know, you’re still going to get gifts. That said, here are some ways to say it:
Your Guide To Wedding Gift Card Etiquette
This one’s controversial, and we think you can use your intuition on how to proceed. But if you’re on the fence and need a little advice:
If the couple thought about you, tracked down your address, ordered you an invitation and mailed it, it’s a pretty good indication you mean something to them and their story. Yes, sometimes it’s a 500-guest affair and it’s easy to think you won’t be missed. But most people handpick their guests and many times have to leave out other loved ones due to space and budget.
If you made the cut, show your friends or family the love by acknowledging this happy time in their lives with a little wedding gift etiquette. Even if you can’t attend. Even if you’re wedding-ed out. Especially if they’ve been there for you.
Virtual Wedding Gift Etiquette
If your budget is tight, that’s okay. Write a warm note to the couple instead. We recommend you do this on actual paper and not via text message. That way they can keep your beautiful words as a wonderful memento. Here’s some inspiration for wishing wedding couples well.
Most couples appreciate gifts several months before the wedding. On an emotional level, it brings their commitment into focus, builds excitement for the big day and shows them how much you care. (And don’t worry, they won’t know whether this is a wedding or engagement gift. They’ll just know you cared.)
On a practical level, it helps logistically and financially. Many registry items are décor to be used at the reception and cash gifts might help pay for the reception. (Deposits are steep!) The icing on the cake is that thank-you notes can be done earlier, too.
Wedding Gift Etiquette Rules All Guests Should Know
Some say you have a time limit on sending a gift. But honestly, I lovingly disagree. If you forgot, it’s never too late to send something. Maybe the only really bad wedding gift etiquette is not acknowledging the couple at all.
Definitely not. In fact, when you give just because you want to, that’s quintessential caring. If you’re that kind of gifter, thank you. The world needs your kind more than ever.
For the love of biscuits and gravy, NO.* It’s even more of a gift NOT to bring anything if the couple has to cram it into the car, ship it from the hotel or bribe the flight attendant into bringing it onboard. If they’re anything like the maniacal middle-aged bride I was, their vehicle will already be packed to the brim.
Wedding Gift Etiquette: The Dos And Don'ts For Wedding Guests
But most importantly, they won’t want to lose your gift in the chaos of the day. So if you must bring something with you, bring a card. You can even drop in a check, gift card or some cash! Most couples—okay, most brides—spend hours picking out the perfect card table accessories. So if anything, please leave a card to justify the overly thought-out card table.
Dollface, it’s okay! It was appreciated. Just helping you for the future here. Don’t overthink it, I’ve already done that for you.
The fact that you’re spending lots of hard-earned money on flights, hotels and fancy resort food is very generous by itself. Views vary on what exactly to do in this
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